Amnesia
by Naidoo
Summary: When Penelope is involved in an accident, things seem okay at first, but then her boyfriend is someone she doesn't remember anymore, and Morgan finds himself in whole new territory. Rating is for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I guess no one really expected to see something new this quickly. But - well, I aim to please. And also I'm hit by major writing muses and inspiration. SInce the next block could be just around the corner you have to take what you can get, right? Have to admit, this was supposed to be humor, but it didn't quite work out as such and is now more angsty, but not too much. Rating's for later chapters.  
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* * *

Morgan hated Mondays. With a passion. If there wasn't a new case, that would make him travel to someplace else in the country, then he was stuck with paperwork, like now. And like the last couple of weeks. The psychos of this world seemed to take a break right now since the BAU altogether had been more or less busy with nothing else other than paperwork for the last couple of days. It had its advantages to be stuck in town for a while, Morgan had to admit. Like spending more time with Penelope, taking her out, hanging out more often, just doing stuff they usually couldn't do often or regularly due to his job. Like last night, when the whole team went out to celebrate Reid's birthday with drinks and dinner. It got rather late but no one really minded. He had brought Penelope home afterwards, making sure she got home safe and then made his way back to his own place as well, finding it rather difficult to get up this morning.

Morgan had his head stuck in paperwork when he noticed Hotch coming over at a rather rapid pace, seeming stressed.

"Are you okay?" Morgan asked, not being used to see his boss like that. Hotch was the core of this team, holding them together with his calmness and rational approach, even in the most chaotic situations.

"Morgan … it's Penelope," the other man started.

"What about her? She's just running late. And can you blame her? I mean look outside, it is raining buckets," Morgan remarked.

"Morgan, Penelope isn't running late, " Hotch started once again, moving closer to his agent's desk. "She was involved in an accident on her way in. Some … collision with oncoming traffic and…"

"Is she alright?" Morgan jumped up from his chair, having his jacket already in his hand and being halfway through the door before Hotch could even give him details about her whereabouts.

"She… seems to be okay as far as I know," Aaron Hotchner tried to calm his agent down, with not much luck. He was able to catch up with him by the elevators and just got in when the doors where closing again.

"You shouldn't be driving in your state. Let me give you a ride to the hospital," he offered, knowing that if Morgan would be driving in the state of mind he was in currently there was a fair chance of two team members ending up in hospital by the end of the day.

Morgan just nodded, not really caring how he would get to the hospital, as long as he would get there and make sure his Baby Girl was alright.

They made it to the hospital in less than ten minutes and Hotch filled Morgan in on all the details he got so far, which wasn't much.

The police man in the hospital was able to explain the details as far as he was aware of them. Due to the masses of water pouring down during the last couple of days traffic had been moving rather slow, and someone, who was already late ignored all warnings, speeding down the freeway, somehow lost control of the car and crashed into the oncoming traffic which happened to be Penelope on her way into work.

"She got actually quite lucky. Just a bump in the head. The other guy, who collided into her, was not so lucky and is still in surgery," the doctor later said. "She should be fine and there shouldn't be any problems with her. She probably can be released later today if everything turns out okay."

The doctor's prognosis made Morgan let out a sigh of relief. For a moment he thought this could be it. Just like he had a couple of years ago when she was shot by Battle.

"You can see her if you want," the doctor advised moving already on to something else. By now the rest of the team had managed to make their way down to the hospital, looking all worried and concerned. Finding her room and seeing her sitting in her bed made all of them let out a breath of relief at the same time. It was hard by now to imagine a day without their quirky and colorful co-worker and friend.

"Has anyone called Lynch so far?" JJ asked in the round when all of them made their way to their friend's room.

"Yeah, I left a message with him, telling him where to find Penelope. I figured that someone should tell him about his girlfriend being involved in an accident," was Hotch's answer.

They walked down the long and white corridors of the hospital until they found the number the doctor had told them. For a moment all six of them stopped in front of the door, not sure who should go in first. Not that it really mattered.

"Hey, Hot Stuff," they heard Penelope happily chime at Derek once seeing him and the rest of the team standing in her doorway.

"You gave us quite some shock there, Baby Girl. How are you feeling?" Morgan asked concerned, but glad to see her up and smiling. It was a start.

"Other than that my head hurts like hell I'm fine. God, what did we drink last night?" she asked, making all of them smile and laugh. She seemed okay.

Morgan took her hand, smiling softly at her. "Clearly you drank too much. How are you feeling other than that, gorgeous?"

"Fine. No complaints whatsoever. Hopefully that means that I will be out of here soon. You know how I hate hospitals. They are just …" Penelope started, but was interrupted with the arrival of Kevin Lynch.

"Are you okay, Penelope? Are you hurt? Do you need anything?" he asked, hurrying towards her side, pushing nearly Rossi and Morgan over. He grabbed her hand out of Morgan's soft touch and let his thumb stroke over her fingers. "How are you feeling?"

He nearly drowned her in a million questions, and the expression on her face changed with each and every one of them. Morgan noticed how she leaned slowly back, trying to pull her hand out of Kevin's grasp.

She looked at him for a moment questioningly, then at the rest of the team and lastly at Kevin, before asking "Who are you?" biting her bottom lip softly.

"Who I am?" Kevin asked shocked, looking around the room and at JJ and the rest of the others, who all looked rather lost at her question as well. "Penny, it's me, Kevin. Your boyfriend," Lynch answered, and expression as if he was trying to figure out whether she was kidding.

For a moment Penelope laughed, before replying. "I don't … um … think so. Because…." she started, looking around the room for a moment, before her eyes fell on what she was looking for "… because he is," she finished her sentence, pointing at Morgan.


	2. doctor's advice

_A/N: Thank you all so much for taking this little adventure in so well so far. I'm actually slightly taken aback with the response to this. I should mention... I'm not a doctor. So this is all rather ... 'should be like' rather than 'that's def the way it is'. The form of amnesia, named lacunar amnesia does really exist and is actually what is happening to Penelope. Thanks to the ever so amazing KricketWilliams for letting me know. Enjoy. Your reviews by the way make me write more, which's good, seeing that I find myself slightly stuck with a fic that'll probably be posted after the one that follows this one. Yes I'm two stories in the future already. =)  
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* * *

All of the people in Penelope's room looked at her for a moment. A fact that made Penelope feel uncertain. _Why did they all look so surprised? Was it a secret between her and Derek?_

"Excuse me?" was Kevin's first reaction, which also broke the silence.

"We do … date, right?" Penelope asked hesitantly towards Derek's direction, who looked at her for a moment, not sure what to say or how to respond, before smiling.

"Of course." This answer had several heads in the room turn his direction now and Lynch stalking more or less towards him. "Agent Morgan…" he started in what sounded like a threatening voice.

"Will you just excuse us for a second?" Morgan asked softly, pulling Lynch with him out the door and motioning for the rest of the team to follow.

"What is your problem, Agent Morgan?" Kevin hissed at the other man nearly the moment they made it out the door. In all the years Kevin had been dating Penelope they never got over the 'Agent Morgan' and 'Lynch' stage. A fact that didn't bother Derek too much. He always thought his friend could do better than Lynch. He always wanted to see if they could have a shot at it but never really had the timing right.

"My problem?" Morgan asked back, annoyed already. "My problem right now is that I think we should get her a doctor for a second examination."

"Why?" Kevin asked irritated. "All I want is to go back in there and tell her who her boyfriend is. And that is certainly not you."

Morgan just rolled his eyes at the other man, before turning towards JJ and Emily. "See if you can get a hold of that doctor from earlier. Tell her she might want to check on Penelope again…"

"Why are you so pushing for that doctor?" Lynch interrupted him.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you find it slightly strange that your girlfriend has no problem remembering all our names, but seems to be completely clueless as to who you are? As well as that she thinks I am dating her and you do not even exist on her radar. Doesn't that worry you just the slightest?" Derek asked while looking at Lynch, who seemed lost for a moment.

"Well, maybe if you wouldn't have been so quick in supporting her idea of you two dating this wouldn't need to be an issue. Just go in there and tell here that's not the way it is. She was probably just joking anyways. I mean the doctor said herself it was just a bump on the head. She was just playing us, seeing who would buy it," Kevin laughed, but Morgan wasn't convinced.

"Have you seen her face when she looked at you? Seen her expression when you took her hand? Or maybe seen how she politely tried to remove her hand from yours? How she didn't feel very comfortable around you and looked at you like a stranger, like she had no idea who you are? That certainly wasn't just some joke she was playing on you or us, or whatever. That all seemed pretty fucking real," he was close to yelling. And if it hadn't been for Hotch and Rossi to step in and hold him back, he probably would have done something stupid.

Of course, it was a funny thing to witness Penelope having no idea who Kevin Lynch was, but it also was worrying Derek Morgan to death. Something was wrong with her. This was more than just a bump on the head.

A moment later JJ and Emily came back with the doctor from earlier in tow, having her already filled in on what had happened.

Another examination and some more tests later they hoped someone would soon come in to fill them in on what was going on with Penelope Garcia.

"It seems like she is suffering from lacunar amnesia, a loss of memory about one specific event or person. In her case it also seems to occur that her brain connects one piece of information with another, but not necessarily in the correct combination. Her brain connects things under the idea what kind of information works best together for possible combinations. Like … you are her best friend," the doctor explained, pointing towards Morgan," and with you she probably also associates feelings such as trust, care and closeness, as well as a long-lasting relationship. So her brain makes the connection to you being her boyfriend. You, on the other hand," the doctor turned towards Lynch, "might have any of these qualities as well, but my guess is that she has known her friend for longer and therefore these feelings are expressed stronger than the connection to the boyfriend."

"How long will this last then?" Kevin asked, getting more agitated.

The doctor looked at all of them a bit helpless. "To be honest, I don't know. This can be over within days. But there are also reported cases of months. There is no way of predicting when it all will fall back in place again or if it ever will. Some patients have never recovered," she explained before rushing quickly on. "I mean… these are just very, very few, and usually the chances are good. So you should be hopeful, but also be aware that there have been reported cases of lifelong amnesia."

"Did you just say months? She could be like this for months, not even knowing who I am or that I exist? Or even forever?"

The doctor just nodded at which Lynch aimed for the handle of the door to Penelope's room. "Well, then we better fill her in on a few things. Such as me being her boyfriend and that we have been going out with each other for nearly three years and that we …" he started, but got interrupted by the doctor.

"I would … discourage you from that," she said, and all of a sudden all pair of eyes were on her again. "There … um … have been several cases reported when forcing the truth onto the patient actually had a rather negative effect and sometimes even ended in depression or worse for the patient. You see, by forcing the truth onto Penelope you could make her react in guilt, knowing she is supposed to know who you are, seeing that you have been with each other for such a long time. She could fall into some sort of pressure, trying everything possible to make herself remember again, which isn't well handled by every patient. And usually pressuring yourself to do or remember something ends with the opposite happening. "

"So I just sit back and let her forget about me?"

"She … will hopefully remember. Eventually. There is just no way of saying when."

"Is there… anything that can be done by us to … help her in this situation?" Morgan and JJ both more or less simultaneously asked.

"Give her time and don't make her feel weird or strange or that she is supposed to know something she doesn't at this moment. It all will come back to her with time. You just need to be patient with her," were the doctor's last words before she left them alone again. This week certainly started already rather interesting.


	3. first of many

_A/N: I understand why people want Penelope to never remember Lynch again. And if rumors, that in the show Lynch will propose or they will go further are true I feel a really story-heavy time for the Morgan/Garcia fandom coming up. I'd also like to take a moment to say that I've been informed last night that one of my stories was apparently nominated for the _Profiler's Choice Criminal Minds 2010 Awards _which I didn't expect at all. I don't think I have much chance in winning, seeing the category is 'Best Garcia/Morgan fic' , but thank you so much to whoever nominated me.  
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* * *

Because of her memory issues the doctors advised it would be best to have her stay at the hospital for a few more nights, just to make sure she really was okay and that there wouldn't be any other issues. Penelope of course didn't understand any of it. For her it was a mystery why they kept doing all these tests. She was feeling absolutely fine. There was nothing wrong with her apart from the headache, but that was probably still the cause of the little crash. All she wanted to do was go home and curl up by Derek's side, taking in his scent, feeling his skin against hers, hearing his voice.

After three days and several more checks, but none of the doctors finding anything else they would need to look at closer and more careful, they decided to let Penelope go home with Morgan and the rest of the team. Lynch hadn't been back so far and Morgan kind of hoped it would stay like that for a little while longer. It was probably a bad situation he was in right now, having a girlfriend that didn't even remember him, but maybe it was fate. Maybe if Lynch had taken care of her better over the years she wouldn't have any issues remembering him. But that wasn't much of Morgan's problem right now. He was just glad, happy and relieved to see her feeling okay again. Apart from that tiny detail that she still thought she and Morgan were happily dating and in a relationship more than their close friendship.

"Where are you bringing me, Hot Stuff?" she asked, once he made sure she was safely strapped in the passenger seat.

"Home to your apartment," Morgan smiled once sitting next to her and having said goodbyes to the rest of the team that had been with him at the hospital.

"You going to spend the night?" Penelope asked innocently when they left the hospital parking lot.

Morgan looked at her for a moment surprised. He certainly hadn't thought that far ahead that with her thinking they were dating this could cause some rather unusual situations for him. He certainly didn't mind playing doting boyfriend, seeing that he had been eyeing that position since quite a few years now, but what he was worried about was the whole lying part, with which he wasn't entirely comfortable with.

The thing was that Derek Morgan had been having this crush on her since the first time he laid eyes on her, but by now he had given up hope of them ever getting together, since something always was out of place. First there were frat rules, then she got shot, then there was Kevin Lynch. Sometimes it seemed as if they weren't supposed to be together. But maybe his luck had finally changed. Not that he would ever take any sort of advantage of her in any way. She was his best friend and he had a whole lot of respect for her and her decisions, he just thought maybe this was finally the chance he had been waiting for.

"How could I refuse such a sweet offer and opportunity? Especially now?" Morgan smiled back at his best friend. Yes, how could he ever refuse her anything? "We just have to make a stop at my place so I can get some stuff, since I think I have nothing left at your place," he laughed, before steering the car towards his direction.

Morgan ended up cooking dinner for them at Penelope's apartment, making sure she still would take it easy. The doctors had said she should be fine for any normal activity and there shouldn't be any issues whatsoever, but Morgan decided one can never be too safe.

"Baby, I had several doctors telling me that I am fine. There is nothing to worry about. Stop treating me like some sort of an invalid. Just …" Penelope complained mockingly. She knew how he could be, and that this would be a fight with him to stop looking after her like that. She liked that he technically wanted to take care of her, make sure she was okay, but he did it to a certain extreme that drove her up the wall occasionally.

"I'm not treating you like an invalid," Morgan announced with a laugh, making his way out of her kitchen to the living room. "I just want to make sure that there won't be any … undetected issues. So … put your feet up on that couch, relax and enjoy a bit of taking care of. You don't always need to be in charge of everything."

"Neither do you," Penelope laughed at him. "Why is it anyways that whenever I want to take care of you, it is nearly always a fight as well? Why can't I take care of you for once?"

"Because … I like taking care of you," Derek said, seeing Penelope roll her eyes at him.

"I think you like more the idea of me being helpless and depending on you, which puts me at your mercy one way or another," she laughed, seeing Morgan moving closer to her.

"Now _that_ is a tempting thought. You at my mercy."

"You should know by now that I hate this whole 'taking care of' thing you always have going on the moment something happens. No matter whether it is a cold or some other, more serious thing. You always tend to get slightly overboard with all of your taking care of me. I love you, and I love the fact that you are so determined to take care of me all the time, which is … really, really sweet, but … too much," Penelope whined, completing her look with puppy dog eyes, hoping he wouldn't be mad with her.

"I'm just … worried about you, that's all," he finally admitted, making Penelope smirk and kneeing on the end of the couch he was standing at.

"And that's really sweet and I love you for that, just … it's too much sometimes," she smiled softly at him, inching slowly closer to him, until she could wrap her arms lightly around his neck. "But that probably won't stop you doing it anyway," she laughed, getting him to laugh as well, shaking his head.

"Damn right it won't. You, Baby Girl, need someone to take care of you, cause everyone else knows you can't do it yourself very good."

At that she pouted at him, making him laugh once again.

"How did I get so lucky in having such an awesome and committed boyfriend?" she laughed, shortly before pulling him in and pressing her lips softly against his.

It was that moment that Morgan stopped thinking altogether and he knew only one thing for sure. That he was doomed, because he never wanted to stop kissing her.


	4. prospects

_A/N: You guys are all too sweet, thank you massivly for all your support and how well you took the story so far. It means a lot, and I know I keep saying that all the time, but it really does. _

* * *

The first taste of her was like heaven, her lips silky against his, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, pulling him in closer to get more. More of the kiss, more of him, more of everything.

It was something that felt magical, natural and so right. Like something she should be doing every single moment for the rest of her life.

Morgan was a fantastic kisser, skilled and advanced, knowing exactly what he wanted, but seemed rather passive with this kiss. A fact that surprised Penelope. She certainly hadn't had him as a shy guy in mind when it came to kissing. Getting worried for the moment, all of her thoughts vanished when he all of a sudden responded, deepening the kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her tightly against him until there was no space left. He was forceful, passionate and demanding. Kissing her like there was no tomorrow. Nearly devouring her. Something that certainly wasn't the worst thing to happen.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Morgan knew this wasn't right. He was basically taking advantage of her and the situation. She didn't remember that she was dating Kevin, didn't know that she and Morgan were not together and Morgan just played along due to the doctor's saying it would be better. That should make him feel guilty and bad, right? It should, but it didn't. His mind was at the moment focused on more important issues than whether this was right or wrong, good or bad. He had been waiting and wanting for this to happen for such a long time, that when it now finally happened there was no way for him to say no. Despite the fact that he never liked lying to his best friend.

He had kissed a lot of women over the years. There had been some pretty hot, sexy and damn great kisses along the way. But what he felt with Penelope right now, in this very moment, beat them all. The chemistry was off the charts and the sparks that flew could probably easily light a bonfire within seconds. Just when her lips released his again he had to realize how very bad this was, how this one kiss had made it impossible for him to ever go back to just friends, knowing how it felt to kiss her and have her soft lips pressed against his.

Morgan saw Penelope look at him for a moment, her eyes filled with love, something that made him wonder whether there had not been _something _between them all along. A second later she yawned, making him laugh. It was just somehow so adorable.

"You tired, Baby Girl?" he asked with a soft smile on his lips. Penelope just nodded a bit, making him smile even more at her.

"I think I'll head to bed for a while, the pills I got prescribed from the doctors make me kind of tired," Penelope explained, while getting up from the couch and walking past Derek.

"You sure you don't want to eat a bit before going to bed? Might help with the medication as well. You haven't after all eaten a lot in the last few days."

Penelope turned around to face him and smiled softly, taking a few steps towards him.

"I feel fine, Dr. Morgan. Stop being so concerned. I'll eat something when I wake up again. Right now I just want to lie down and close my eyes," she said, cupping his face for a moment, before pressing another soft kiss against his lips.

"Alright then, girl. Go, lie down and I'll put the leftovers of the food in the fridge. So when you feel hungry during the night, feel free to get some." He laughed, seeing her slowly starting to walk towards the bedroom.

"Don't stay up too long, baby. I have missed the feeling of you wrapped around me during the last few days. And the sooner you get to bed, the sooner I am a happy girl again." She giggled, not noticing anymore how Morgan just stared after her.

_Damn_, he once again had to realize that he hadn't really thought this through. Of course she would expect them to share a bed, and that he would be all touchy-feely. He after all was like this with her already and they were just friends. But that … was something else. Now, with him having the prospect of feeling her skin again his, with her thinking they are the real deal this would bring up a whole of a lot of difficulties for him. If that kiss a few moments ago left him already in such a state, what would happen when he went to bed with her pressed against him?

This all was exactly what he wanted to have for such a long time, and now that he had it, it all felt like some big conspiracy of the universe. He didn't want to be in the way of her 'healing-process' and therefore played along as the doctor's had suggested it, but he also didn't want to move in on someone's else's girlfriend, taking advantage of her not being herself right now. Well, technically she was still herself, she just didn't remember a small, but yet important detail. He didn't want to lie to her, especially with the prospect of her remembering at _some_ point.

"Well then, we can't have you waiting that much longer, can we?" He smiled back at her, not even sure whether she heard or not.

Maybe he should just do it, play along as everyone seemed to suggest. After all most of the things they do now they did as friends already. They have shared more than enough a bed with each other and they had always been touchy-feely, cuddling and snuggling. The only new factor was that there would be kisses involved, but everything else was as always. Kind of at least. He could do that. It was after all in her interest. And how long could that status of partial memory loss last anyway? He could make it through this.


	5. the right kind of wrong

_A/N: I usually never say anything like that, but I have to say this must be probably one of my favorite chapters of the story. It shows a very interesting side of and issue within Derek Morgan. I think that's something you rarely see on the show or stories. _

* * *

The first few days were interesting to say the least.

There had been several situations in which Morgan came close to telling Penelope that they were in fact not dating, and that this was all just some screw up in her brain. Of course he wouldn't have used those exact words. But the fact that he had to play her boyfriend, and also wanted this so bad, but always had the thought of Penelope actually being someone's else's girl, didn't make it easy for him. During kisses he felt like heaven on earth, but the moment they stopped and his brain gained the upper hand again he felt guilty, bad and got close to telling her the truth. He knew he shouldn't and the doctors were more than clear on the consequences that could follow, things like depression and her shutting down from the rest of world, due to not being able to make any sense of this, but it still didn't stop him from feeling extremely bad.

Lynch didn't show up once during the whole time, making Morgan wonder what kind of boyfriend Lynch was. Morgan had never had much of a high opinion of Lynch but even this was something he'd hadn't thought Lynch would do. Maybe show up and just check on her. Not that Morgan would have let him, but he had at least thought Lynch would try and maybe force his way inside Penelope's apartment. Nada. Not once.

But what Lynch did do, and drove Morgan nearly insane doing it, was call.

When Morgan finally decided to unplug Penelope's phone for a few hours to stop the incessant ringing Lynch had gotten hold of Morgan's cell phone number. Hackers. And from then onwards kept calling every hour, asking to speak to Penelope. As if Morgan was that stupid. When asking didn't get him anywhere he started whining, complained why this was happening to him now. At some point during the few conversations Morgan started wondering whether Lynch was more concerned about himself then Penelope actually. He seemed to talk an awful lot about how very inconvenient this all was and at that stage Morgan just hung up. Someone who was seeing this as inconvenience for anyone other than Penelope seriously wasn't even worth listening to. He switched his phone off after that, telling the others that if they needed to get a hold of him to use his work number.

Other than that their first few days had been rather cozy. Penelope had been ordered by Hotch to stay at home and take a few days off, to take it easy and not return before at least the end of the week. Morgan had been in and out of her place all day, meeting her up for lunch and otherwise calling her when he wasn't busy with paperwork or a local case.

After the first week Penelope was excited to go back to work. She had been spending the entire week doing nothing at all. The TV programs seemed to repeat themselves with constant re-runs, most her friends were at work or not in the country and there was just that much domestic chores she could do before her apartment looked cleaner than ever before or before Morgan told her in the evening to let it go and just sit back. Apparently he thought her doing some housework was somehow not good for her.

When Hotch told her she could come back the next week Penelope felt relieved. Finally she would have something to do.

Aaron Hotchner was not entirely comfortable with the decision to let Penelope work again, but the doctor's had cleared her and advised that her memory loss should not affect her work. And there were just that many excuses and explanations he could use that involved 'accident' and why she should rest for another week. He knew that if he would do it any longer she would start getting suspicious. Or start working from home despite what he would tell her.

It was on the Friday, just after Hotch had told Penelope she could back to work the following week when Morgan came to his office with a troubled look on his face.

"What can I do for you, Morgan?" Hotch asked once Morgan stood in his office, motioning for him to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"Have you ever been drawn between the right and the wrong thing? And despite you knowing the wrong thing is actually the right thing to do, it still felt wrong?" Morgan asked after there was a long silence.

Hotch just looked at his colleague, not sure what he was talking about. It sounded a bit confusing to say the least.

"I … am not entirely sure that I follow. What is this about?" Aaron asked carefully. Morgan surely looked worked up, like something was eating him up. "Are you okay?"

"It's about Penelope. And … the condition she has," Morgan phrased carefully, not sure how to talk about his emotional turmoil. The team members might have known and seen the connection he and Penelope shared, but seeing a connection and admitting to have a crush on someone were two very different things.

"You mean that she has no memory about Kevin Lynch and seems to think however that you and her are in a relationship other than your friendship?"

Morgan just nodded at his boss for a moment, looking already how he could start the next part.

Hotch said "Don't get me wrong here, Morgan, but shouldn't the fact that she has no idea about her actual boyfriend make you kind of happy? I mean … I understand your concerns for her general health, but doctor's have cleared her and said that these kind of issues can occur as side effects when being involved in the kind of accident she was involved. We all know that … um … you and Kevin Lynch never had been best friends and were never going to be. So … shouldn't that somehow make you feel relieved?" Hotch asked carefully. He knew he was treading on thin ice here, with Morgan not usually being the kind of guy that talks about feelings and emotions.

"Why should that make me feel relieved?" Morgan asked curious.

Aaron Hotchner looked at his agent for a moment, smiling to himself. "Morgan, we are all profilers. Don't you think we would have noticed the signs by now? How long has it been now? Four, Five years? Since you started to realize you like her more than a friend? I'm not saying this situation is ideal, but it might give you some slight ... advantage in regards of the whole 'who wants who' question."

Morgan stared at his boss for a moment, thinking. "You say you all have known?"

Hotch just let out a sigh and rolled his eyes at Morgan. "We are not as oblivious as you want us to be, Morgan. And you are not as unreadable," he confessed, smiling a bit. "So what's the issue?"

Morgan let out a sigh for a moment. "You see… I understand that the doctor's said I should just play along, but … isn't that somehow taking advantage of her, using her and the idea that she and I are dating? Do you think I should enjoy these things? The kisses and all that when I know that this actually isn't real? That this could be over any minute and that I am not the guy she is dating? She thinks she is dating me, but we all know she isn't. It is just her brain that makes the connection to me as her boyfriend and-" Morgan started, making Hotch finally see what his colleague's issues were.

"Let me stop you right there. I know I'm not a doctor and these kind of things can be terribly complicated, but don't you think it is very strange that from all the people in the room she made you out as her boyfriend? I mean, she could have also gone for Rossi or Reid, or even me for what I know, but it was you. You two have always been close and had this rather unusual friendship right from the start. Maybe you should spend more time thinking about why it is you, than whether or not you should enjoy this as much as you do. I'm not saying it is 'right' right, but it isn't wrong either. I mean in the end she chose you as the boyfriend. I'm not saying you should do anything you don't want to do, or don't feel comfortable with – after all it is your friendship and you know her better than any of us - but you also shouldn't stop doing what feels right, just because you think it's wrong. I am certain this is not an ideal situation, but it also is an opportunity," he smiled at Morgan. "An opportunity to finish the four years you have been waiting on her."

Morgan leaned back in his chair for a moment, looking at his boss and thinking about his words for a moment. Then he got up and left, knowing what he had to do.


	6. dates

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who is following, reviewing and alerting this story. It has been quite ... interesting so far, to say the least. _

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An hour after he had left Hotch's office Morgan was standing in front of Penelope's door. A bouquet of red roses in his hand, dressed up. He knocked softly against her door, waiting for her to open the door. Morgan had called briefly on his way to his place, letting Penelope know he would take her out. On a real date. He obviously didn't mention the 'real date' part to her since she thought they had been going on dates all the time.

"Don't you look handsome?" Penelope smiled at him once she opened the door and Morgan was left speechless for a minute. Just the way she looked at him, and also the way she was dressed knocked him out for a second. She looked breathtaking and he had seen her in a lot of outfits over the years, but strangely enough never on a 'date-night', but then again he didn't figure Lynch as the guy that would take his girl out about town and show her a great time.

"I can only return that compliment," Morgan smiled, giving her the flowers and pressing a kiss on her cheek. They might maybe be dating in her mind, but Morgan was set out to earn the 'right' to kiss her. And not feel guilty about it. If they were dating, he would do this right. The whole nine yards. He would take her out on dates, woo her and charm her, make her feel good and wanted, shower her in affection, attention and gifts and would call her cute pet names. Although the last one they already had down as friends. That way he at least wouldn't feel bad or guilty about anything.

Penelope put the flowers aside and grabbed her coat, in which Morgan helped her just a second later and they were ready to go.

"So where are you taking me, Hot Stuff?" she asked excitedly. It had definitely been too long for her in that apartment all by herself. And the day had seemed like it would never end. When she got his call Penelope was so glad and she had became really excited when he told her to throw on some fancy clothes, because he would take her out tonight. She loves going out on dates with him. She loved the attention he got from all the girls around them and the fact that she knew he would be going home with her and she would be the only one who could make any claim on him.

"Remember that French bistro you have been dying to go to? Well, I thought tonight would be a great night to go there and give it a try. Let's see if it really is as good as people make it out to be. And afterwards I was thinking we could drive down to the park, there is a concert on tonight. I thought you might enjoy it. I've got a blanket in the back of my SUV and also got some champagne on my way over, completed with the glasses. How does that sound?" Morgan asked, as he pulled up in front of their first destination for tonight.

He knew how much Penelope liked the concerts at the park, which were held during the summer. She had always complained to him that Kevin never really wanted to go to any of them, stating that it wasn't his kind of music and if she wanted to go she should go on her own. Morgan never managed to make it to one of these concerts with her since they most of the time had always caught a case that led them outside the city or anything else had come up. He was glad he could finally make it with her to one of these things. It might not necessarily have been his preferred music, but he knew how happy Penelope would be when they should manage to make it down to the park.

They got seated almost immediately and Penelope had mentioned she liked his idea for the rest of the night. She almost beamed at him, full of happiness and excitement. Maybe Hotch was right. Maybe this was an opportunity more than a situation. This was an opportunity to rise to the challenge of showing Penelope how much she meant to him and how much he enjoyed her company. And it of course might be weird and also wrong that she thought they were already at this stage, but it was even more a challenge for Morgan to step up his game and make sure she would even be aware of that after she remembered again who her boyfriend was. This wasn't a game, although it might seem to some as one, this was his chance to make sure she finally understood that she was so much more to him than just a friend.

One look at the menu and Morgan had to realize he had no idea what to eat, mainly because the whole menu was written in French. He put the menu aside, smiled at Penelope and said "Why don't you order for me? You probably know better than anyone what I like to begin with. I put my welfare at your mercy," he smiled, making her laugh at him.

"I somehow like the sound of that. You at my mercy. We definitely have to look into the endless possibilities of that." She giggled, making him shake his head and smile in return. With her it was so easy to have a good time, to just enjoy himself and relax.

When their waiter came back Penelope ordered for them, ordered some wine for herself since he still had to drive and took care of the rest as well, making Morgan wonder why he never before had someone else take care of him like she did in that moment. But then again no one else really knew him as well as she did.

The whole evening at the restaurant went by in no time. Their food arrived, Penelope ordered more wine and they just had a wonderful time together, enjoying each other's company, laughing and smiling a lot as well as flirting like hell.

"You still want to head to the park, baby?" Morgan asked when they left the restaurant. It had gotten rather late by now and Morgan wasn't sure whether she was still interested. She could also might just want to go home and crawl into bed.

She took his hand in hers, and pulled him towards the car, smiling at him and answering "There's no place else I'd like to be more now. Well … there might be one, but that isn't as close right now," she smiled at him wickedly.

"Maybe if you behave I take you home with me," Morgan laughed in response to her smile, at which she turned around, looking at him surprised.

"Only maybe?" she asked mockingly. "I was counting on you taking me home with you tonight and just show me how much you have missed me finally."

For a moment Morgan's world stopped. Oh God, how he wanted to act on her suggestion, show her exactly how much he had missed her, but that was still far away in the future and certainly no end to tonight. No matter how much she would play him and push. He wouldn't go down that road, not yet. When it would happen between them he wanted it to be perfect and definitely not on their first night out.

"We'll see about that," he finally answered diplomatically, before holding the car door open for her and helping into the passenger's seat. Another ten minutes later they were at the park, noticing the concerts were still going.

They found themselves a place to sit down and Morgan spread the blanket he brought for tonight before Penelope sat down, patting the space next to her.

"That's a perfect finish to tonight," she sighed happily, when Morgan sat down and she leaned back against him, listening to the music.

Morgan wrapped his arms around her softly, kissing the top of her head and smiling. "Since when are you into classical music?"

"It's relaxing and easy to listen to. It makes a night like tonight perfect." She smiled happily with her eyes closed. And that's how they spent the rest of the evening. With Penelope wrapped up in Morgan's arms, resting against his chest, simply listening to their surroundings. They didn't speak for almost an hour, the duration of the last concert, but it didn't feel weird or strange to Morgan. He could see she just loved to listen to the melody, thinking about God knows what and enjoying the company.

When they made it back tom Morgan's place later that night, with Penelope rather tipsy seeing she had already four glasses of wine at the restaurant and managed to drink another couple of glasses of champagne at the park they both went straight for bed. Penelope curled up to Morgan instantly, just like she had done every single night of the previous weeks and by now Morgan had gotten used to it. He loved the feeling of her skin against his, of her weight on top of him, of her arms being draped softly around his torso. He loved her blond curls feeling like silk against the bare skin of his chest and how her soft and cotton clad curves melted so perfectly against him. And he didn't feel guilty about it any longer, because he knew, if he did this right, she could remain his. He just needed to play his cards right and hope for good timing.


	7. Team Morgan

_A/N: Have to start the warning that soon we will head towards some massive angst for a few chapters. Just so you are early warned.  
_

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After their date a few days back Derek had taken Penelope on several more. Always something else in different parts of the town. Half the things he took her to usually wouldn't get him excited or interested to begin with, but with Penelope it all seemed different. He liked spending time with her and it didn't matter whether they were going out for food, to some museum or other stuff he usually wouldn't do. With her all that mattered was that she was with him.

By the end of their second date he initiated a kiss, feeling like it would be the right time. Still kind of wrong in regards of boyfriend-issues, but right as well, since they had great dates, a wonderful time and Penelope seemed to beam at him more and more with every date they went on. It almost felt as if the love she had for him and with which she looked at him grew with every new date. They still hadn't gone that final step yet, and despite Penelope seeming to push for more and more by now he always managed to keep her down, get his way out of the situation and wait it out longer. He just didn't know how much longer he could wait, could keep his hands off her. By now he was really aching for that moment of union, for her being his entirely, for hearing her moaning his name in the moment of pure bliss and ecstasy, but he still didn't think the right moment was here. It was a thought that amused Derek to no end.

Usually he never waited for right moments. He had lost count of the girls he had a long time ago, not that it mattered to begin with. But with Penelope, things were definitely different. So he would wait. Until he felt the right time came.

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JJ and Emily had stopped by Penelope's office earlier today making sure their lunch date was still on. The first few lunches were basically used for the two women to make sure their friend really was okay. Of course they couldn't ask her the obvious question without seeming suspicious, but they at least could study her behavior.

By now, a good two weeks after the initial accident they were certain that apart from the screwed up part of her brain Penelope was absolutely okay, just like she had always been. Usually the women would go out for some lunch, trying out restaurants and dinners around the office, but today they opted for the FBI canteen instead, mainly due to Penelope having to run some system checks and therefore having not the usual hour they mostly had.

They had just been talking about how quiet it lately had been and that the team was just stuck with paperwork, when both JJ and Emily noticed that Penelope kept looking at something or someone behind them.

"Are you okay?" JJ wondered, knowing that Morgan was out with Reid, so it couldn't be him Penelope was looking at all the time.

"Why is that guy always looking at me like that?" Penelope asked her friends, at which both JJ and Emily turned around and looked at who she could talk about.

"Who? Lynch?" JJ asked, noticing the only guy looking in their direction was Kevin.

"Yeah. What's the deal with him?" Penelope asked curiously.

"He … um … has this crush on you. Since … years," JJ lied, knowing there was no better explanation.

"He does?" Penelope asked surprised. "How come I never knew that?"

"Um … I just heard about it yesterday. Maybe it just didn't travel to you yet…" Emily started, seeing JJ's relieved expression that someone was there to back her up. All of a sudden Penelope got up, making both her friends wonder.

"Where are you going?" Emily asked surprised, looking at JJ.

"Catching up on the rumors. I usually know everything about everyone in this building, how could I have not known about that guy?" Penelope wondered, making Emily and JJ raise their eyebrows.

"Is he an … um ... an option?" JJ asked carefully, seeing Penelope turn around quickly, facing her friend.

"An option?" she asked shocked. "You have seen my boyfriend, right? The Greek Adonis kind of guy, who puts probably all my ex-boyfriends to shame just by the way he looks. That doesn't even include all the other very _satisfying_ qualities he has to offer," she smiled at her friends.

"You slept with Morgan?" Emily asked surprised, wanting to kick herself just a moment later for her stupid question.

Penelope looked at Emily quizzically for a moment. "Of course I have slept with him. I mean, he is my boyfriend after all. It would be kind of weird if we had been dating all this time but never slept with each other by now, don't you think?"

Emily just looked at Penelope, not sure how to answer that. "Um … yeah, I guess so," she finally admitted, seeing Penelope look at her strangely for a moment, before turning and leaving.

"When she says 'sleeping' does that mean they really slept with each other, or that she thinks they did?" Emily asked, JJ, who just shrugged.

"Your guess is as good as mine here. With these two anything is possible. Who knows, maybe they already slept with each other before this whole thing happened."

"No way, Penelope was seeing Lynch before that. There is no way she would have done that to Kevin," Emily disagreed.

"Anyway, I really hope she will soon remember again who she dated. Because this whole charade is really tiring after a while," JJ admitted, making Emily look at her in disagreement.

"I hope not. The longer she thinks Morgan is her boyfriend, the longer we don't have to hang out with Lynch. I mean, I feel sorry about this all, but seriously, the longer I don't have to deal with Lynch the better."

"Emily, at some point she will remember again. What do you think will happen when that day comes in like half a year, when everyone made her believe she really is dating Derek Morgan? She would hate probably everyone for the rest of their lives for not telling her."

"Oh, when that day comes I am so rooting for 'Team Morgan', trust me."

"There are no teams," JJ remarked confused, seeing Emily smile.

"There are now."


	8. welcome back

They had been going out on dates two, three times per week – of course given that the team was in town. Every time Morgan came up with new ideas for things they could do. By now even Penelope was surprised that one could have so many different dates, but what made things even stranger was that despite the plenty of dates and them having been together for nearly three years now it all still felt so very new somehow.

They hadn't seen each other for over two weeks now and by the time the team made it back from their latest case Penelope felt almost desperate to have Morgan in her arms again. To feel him next to her again, feel his lips against hers, his hands against her skin, his body next to hers when she went to bed at night. Surprisingly Penelope didn't know why she was feeling so strongly and missing him so much. Surely they had been apart before and also a lot longer than the last two weeks, so why was she now all of a sudden feeling as if she was losing her mind, as if she couldn't stand to be apart from him any longer.

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When the plane touched down Morgan felt like sleeping through the next two weeks. The past couple of days'd been rather hard and tiring, with only little sleep and a lot of coffee to make up for long and usually sleepless nights. On the few occasions that he actually could sleep, he spent more time tossing around in bed than with actual sleep.

He had always been rather insomniac, but had to admit during the last couple of weeks, months even, whenever he slept next to Penelope, had her in his arms and was draped all over her, there had been no issues with falling asleep and staying like that for a few solid hours even.

He knew they had tickets for some special screening of a movie tonight, a movie Penelope had been excited and dying to see. He knew they had planned tonight for weeks, Penelope getting more excited with each day that passed, but she also assured him just before the team left for their last case it wouldn't be the end of the world if they couldn't make it. Just as long as he returned back home to her safely. But no matter how much she tried to assure him it would be okay, Morgan couldn't help but notice the disappointment in her voice, the disappointment she tried to hide so well, at the thought of him not making it back in time to attend.

Now that he managed to come back in time, he sure as hell would also make sure they could go ahead with their plans.

Making it home, he heard Penelope rummaging in the kitchen. He left his go-bag by the door and went looking for his girlfriend, making sure they were ready to go. To his surprise Penelope looked anything but ready to go out anytime soon.

"Why ain't you dressed already, sweetheart?" he asked, a smile on his lips while he moved closer, pressing a kiss softly against her temple. It wasn't that he minded the way she looked, quite the opposite actually, but it surprised him to see her like that.

Penelope was wearing only dark navy boxers, which looked a lot like they were his, as well as a white dress shirt that surely was his as well, with more buttons undone than done to give her ample cleavage room. Her hair was loose and had red streaks in it this week.

He went on "I mean, don't get me wrong here, baby, not that I don't like the way you look right now, but … it might be not the best outfit for going to the movies. Unless, of course, you want attention, which you certainly will get in an outfit like that," Morgan smirked at her.

"Oh, no, sugar, this outfit is only meant to be for your eyes." She laughed at him, pressed herself closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling her closer towards him so she was trapped between him and the counter.

"Well, I'm certainly happy to hear that, gorgeous." He smiled, lowering his lips to hers, pulling her lips in a kiss, tasting her for the first time in nearly two weeks. She tasted sweeter, more intoxicating and definitely more addictive than what he had remembered. His hands roamed over her back, finding the hem of his shirt and sliding under the fabric, stroking softly over her skin, which felt softer and silkier than he had remembered.

Penelope rose to the tip of her toes, pushing herself further into Derek, who placed his hands under her ass, pushed her up and placed her on the edge of the counter without breaking contact to her lips just once.

So far Derek Morgan had managed to stay away from that last, final step and he had been rather proud with himself. It was hard for him to not go there when she was laying next to him in bed, pushing herself into his embrace and against his hard chest, letting out very happy and low moans, signalizing how very happy and content she was. Or every single time she pressed her luscious curves into his hard body, or when she simply just looked at him. It didn't take much to get Derek Morgan's mind to drift off to these kind of places. Still he had been able to fight against every impluse to cross that line so far. Tonight he felt he would lose that battle, especially when her lips, the way they worked him, kissed him and the way her hands roamed all over his body, unbuttoning his shirt and getting him out of it was any indication, or the eagerness with which she was doing this.

Had he been tired and was looking forward to his bed just a few moments ago?

Now there was no way he could think about anything that came even close to sleep. His mind all of a sudden was wide awake, being focused only on the women he was kissing right now.

He felt Penelope wrapping her legs around him, bringing him slightly forward so that he was resting partly against her and partly against the counter she was sitting on, kissing her nearly senseless. After a while his lips left hers, kissing hot trails down her jaw line, his hands unbuttoning the few buttons left, but left the shirt on. He kissed his way down her cleavage, over her tummy, dipped his tongue into her belly button and slowly moved up again, hearing her giggle like a child and pressing his head further against her. When he reached her lips again he let go of them for a moment, resting his head against her forehead and looking her straight in her eyes, holding her gaze for a moment, before smiling at her, kissing the tip of her nose and pulling back completely, reaching for her hand, which was laying comfortably on his ass and pulled her down from the counter. If tonight would be the night he certainly would do it right and that was definitely not quickly on the kitchen counter.

"I think we better take this someplace else." He grinned, pulling her up against him and pressing another kiss against her lips.

Penelope laughed into the kiss, stroking with her hands over his bald head, pulling him further into the kiss, not being able to get enough of him tonight. She was so love-drunk that she didn't know how would ever be able to spend a day apart from him ever again.

Together they stumbled up the stairs, neither of them willing to let go of the other one's lips. It took them a lot longer to make it to the bedroom, having occasionally one or two navigational problems, with neither of them really sure where to walk, and bumping into walls several times on their way. But eventually they made it and neither of them could really care about the bruises they would have by tomorrow.


	9. the first night

The first thing that went were each other's shirt, throwing them somewhere in the room. The moment he had Penelope out of her – which was actually his - shirt it was as if there was no holding back for her anymore. She pulled him closer towards her until there was not a breath between their bodies and then pulled him right in bed with her, straddling him and getting to work on his pants almost instantly. Her lips worked his frantically, as if she was worried this could be over soon.

It took her a few moments until she had his button open and the zipper down, but eventually she managed and prompted him to lift his hips, letting her push the fabric down his strong and muscular thighs, further down until they were at his ankles at which Morgan shook his legs a few times until the slacks fell to the floor with a thud.

Penelope went with such determination into this it nearly knocked Morgan over. Somehow he had pictured this all a bit different. For one thing he thought that he would be the initiator of this and also the seducer. He certainly hadn't expect that when they would finally take that step she would be so fierce and in control. Not that he minded, not the least. He loved it. Every single moment of it. But at some point he would regain control. It was just not his style to let someone else do all the work.

Before he could even waste another thought about what his style was or not, he felt her hands the waistband of his boxer shorts, peeling back the fabric inch by inch in what seemed to be slow motion. She kissed her way down his muscular chest, paying a lot of attention to his abs and then pressing feather light kisses to every inch of newly exposed skin. He had to admit it bordered on torture, but a really nice and pleasant form of torture. And the lower that her lips travelled the more Morgan lost his mind. This was way better than he had ever imagined this to be. And they hadn't even gotten anywhere close to the really good stuff yet.

She was about to peel back the last few inches of boxer shorts before he was fully exposed to her when he decided to turn the tables again, surprising her with his sudden movement. A moment later he rolled on top of her, holding her trapped beneath him. The pout she threw him was adorable. Under other circumstances she could have asked for almost anything and would have gotten it, but not now and not this. This was his show, he wanted to make sure she was the recipient and he the giver of pleasure, making her hopefully feel like no one else had ever made her feel.

His hands stroked softly over her exposed skin, her ample breasts, teasing her nipples, and then gliding further up, letting his thumbs brush softly over her lips, watching how Penelope threw her head back several times, making adorable and sexy sounds, encouraging him to proceed, continue his exploration with his hands, giving herself to him. Moments later his lips retraced the path that his hands had traveled just a few moments ago, taking his time tasting and nibbling, kissing and teasing his way up and down, left and right all over her body. It was as if Penelope's body was his own personal playground, and he intended on enjoying it for as long as he could. This was something that couldn't get any better.

While his lips kissed hers again, his hands found their way down her body, while her hands started roaming all over his body as well, pinching his ass a few times playfully and getting a few deep growls out of him whenever she did.

His hands moved all over her body, feeling every inch of skin, until they dipped south, feeling the lacy hem of her panties, pushing the fabric of her underwear out of his way until he had it fully off her and she was laying underneath him in her fully naked glory. It was a picture Morgan needed to savor for a moment, so he let go of her lips to look at the gorgeous woman that was laying underneath him in his bed. He noticed how Penelope reached for the sheets for one moment, an action that Morgan knew to stop immediately. There was no way that any of this beauty would be hidden from his eyes. With anything. He didn't understand why women always did this, always interpreted a moment of true appreciation and beauty as something guys would criticize. His thoughts at this moment were far from what possibly was not perfect about her. Because there simply was nothing. She was perfect. Period. He luscious curves, her ample cleavage, her round ass, those curvy hips and thighs, it all was perfect. And there was nothing he could think about he would enjoy looking at more than her body. For the rest of his life.

When Penelope understood there was no way she would win the fight over the sheet her hands let go of it, finding something else to hold onto and pull on. His Boxer shorts.

He realized that he was the one that still was more or less dressed, although he doubted that being only in boxer shorts counted much as being dressed. But he got her message. Same right to everyone. If she was subject to his lust filled and heated stares so should he be to hers. It was an easy and simple request and just a moment later he was as equally naked as she.

Reaching to his left, he opened his bedside drawer, getting out a condom, whose wrapper he tore with his teeth, before rolling it on himself, getting ready for bringing this all to a whole new level.

Her boyfriend certainly didn't play fair, but at this moment Penelope couldn't care less. She was already halfway gone.

Morgan was laying on top of her with a satisfied smile on his face, being pulled only moments later in another kiss by Penelope, who was more than happy with how tonight had went.

A few moments later she was asleep, cuddled up against him, wanting to be nowhere else than in this very bed, by his very side right now. He followed her to sleep only moments later, after he dispensed the condom and pulled the sheets up, covering both of them.


	10. do you remember?

_A/N: Am I mean for doing what will happen next **after** he finally has her in his bed? Yes, probably, but ... well, I warned you. So let's start the messy, angsty, complicated chapters then... Thank you to everyone who has been following this story over the last few days and has been reviewing, alerting and fav'ing. It really means so much to a writer. Special thanks - as always - go to LoveforPenandDerek for being such a great beta._

_Posting this early since I had over to a friend for the night in a few ... I will answer the reviews for the last chapter tomorrow.  
_

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Penelope woke up the next morning, loving the feeling of Morgan's hands and arms wrapped around her. They had been falling asleep like this many times before, but this morning it just felt so very much different. It had been the first time since her accident that they actually had made love. Penelope hadn't known why it had taken them such a long time to go back to Morgan had just been too scared or worried about God knows what. He always was like that. Even if she just cut herself while chopping vegetables he

would make a fuss as if she could die at any minute if it was not promptly taken care of.

Morgan made her feel somehow like no other man had managed to make her feel. So truly desired and womanly. It wasn't as if she doubted herself or them, but sometimes, just sometimes she wondered how she got so damn lucky, with a guy like him. And somehow every time a thought like that occurred, he came and swept all her doubts out of the way.

She hadn't really told him, knew that he would go completely irrational about this, but for whatever reason her memories about them before her accident were a bit hazy, even after the amount of months that had passed by now since it happened originally. She spoke to her doctor's though and they all agreed that it shouldn't be much she should be worrying about for the moment. And if _they_ told her to not worry, why should she worry him?

It was strange, but on some days she experienced a sorta déjà-vu on other days it felt all so new and fresh and exciting, but she just blamed both of these on her medication she was still ordered to take and possible side effects.

She pulled the sheets up and draped them around her body, making her way to the bathroom. Looking at her reflection in the mirror and studying herself she couldn't stop smiling. She just felt so good, about herself, about him, about everything. Taking the hairbrush from one of the little tables she started brushing her hair, noticing all of a sudden a dark blue-purple bruise on her neck. On closer inspection she realized it was a hickey. Looking at her reflection-surprised for a moment-she realized that maybe her man had gotten a bit carried away last night. Not that she minded. It was in fact actually rather hot.

She closed her eyes for a moment, her thoughts lingering on the events of last night. Derek Morgan was a guy who was able to take very well care of you, giving you the greatest of pleasures and making you feel so very special. She loved everything about him. The way he looked, talked, smelled. His scent was so male, musky and something so very Derek Morgan. In fact he had a scent so much better and more addicting then most guys she knew, including Kevin Lynch, who always had a certain smell of sweat with him, which was especially during, or after sex.

And with that thought she all of a sudden had images flooding her mind with her and Kevin Lynch, sleeping with each other, kissing, doing other stuff couples would do. _But why would she have pictures like that in her mind? Especially since they felt so … real?_

And then she remembered. Her three years with Kevin, their relationship, their dates, how she met his parents, who didn't seem to take too well to her, their first fight, the resulting make up and all the other details. She remembered her boyfriend again. Letting her hairbrush fall to the floor, shocked about her sudden memories which came back to her, she took a few steps back. Making it outside the bathroom and seeing Morgan being up by now as well, smiling softly at her, getting out of bed, not even bothering to cover himself up. God, he looked so gorgeous.

"Good morning, gorgeous," he smiled at her, making a few steps towards her and trying to kiss her, but Penelope's thoughts were all over the place, in all certain states, but not in this kiss. She turned her head around, still not sure how to process her returning memories and what that actually meant.

"I remember everything again. Everything. Kevin and our relationship, the stuff we did and fought about, the fact that he never seemed to be able to remember an anniversary and forgot about almost all of my birthdays. I mean it just came …" she chirped almost ecstatically, until she abruptly stopped.

"You knew," she realized shocked, seeing her accusation was spot on. He looked at her with his eyes wide open, a shocked expression on his face.

"Penelope, please, we need to …" he started, walking a bit closer, trying to take her hand in his and get her to sit down with him, but she pulled back, looking at him as if not sure what to do.

"You lied to me," she ignored his pleading. "For the entire time you lied to me. Probably making fun of this all, not even considering filling me in. And then last night …" she stopped, shocked about where her own thoughts had gone to and the results. "Oh my god, you slept with me, probably taking … advantage of all this and …" she started, seeing Morgan once again moving towards her.

"No, don't … don't go there. What happened last night, was …"

Penelope just looked at him, shocked and crushed, and the image of her alone was all Morgan could take, was all it took for him to stop and not say anything. He was all of a sudden lost for words, lost for anything to explain. He wanted to tell her that last night had happened because it felt natural, was what both of them wanted and felt but somehow the words in him didn't come out. He just stood in front of her. What do you say in a situation like that anyway? After you spent several months playing devoting boyfriend, falling head over heels in love with her when you know she had an actual boyfriend? Of course she would remember sooner or later that you are not her guy, even the doctor's said so. That she would regain her full memory, it was just a matter of time. Time that finally had come. Morgan didn't know whether he should be grateful for actually getting enough time to experience the magic of making love to Penelope, or whether he should just crawl into a corner and cry about the damn timing that of course it had to all come back the morning after.

Him not answering was taken by Penelope as enough of an answer. She ran through the room, picking up clothes and locked herself into the bathroom. Morgan could hear her sobs and crying through the door and any try of getting her to open the door ended without success. He felt right now like the biggest loser and the biggest asshole in the world. For lying to her, playing this stupid charade and playing into her delusion, for making her feel the way she felt right now and causing her that amount of pain, for actually falling in love with her. He knew she had a boyfriend and that it was only a matter of time until she would remember again and nevertheless he got up his hopes, even believed it himself this was the real deal. All the dates he took her out on, all the fun they had together as a 'couple' was real for him and he honestly hadn't spent much time over the last few months of thinking that actually she was not his. At some point he had just forgotten about it, suppressed the fact that he was some sort of a fill in, until she remembered again and then would run back into Kevin fucking Lynch's arms.

He kept talking through the door, telling her how sorry he was and just talked, telling her about his feelings, what the last few months meant to him and what she meant to him, had meant to him for such a long time. He was sitting on the floor, his back resting against the door to his en-suite bathroom and he just hoped that some of his words would make it through to Penelope. When there was no answer after a long time and he had stopped talking a while ago as well he started worrying. He didn't mean to intrude, especially not in a situation like now, when she already felt so betrayed, but his concern and worry for her wellbeing was bigger than his thoughts about what she could think right now. So he got the spare key for the door, and unlocked it … finding it empty.

Penelope had left the bathroom through the door to the hallway God knows when. He didn't even know if she had heard anything he had said.


	11. conflicts

_ aA/N: Does everyone hate me? LOL I am sorry, but you all had it seen coming sooner or later. And... well I would be lying if I'd say it will be over shortly, cause... this will take a few chapters to get fixed. But we are on our way to all the wonderful - and at points desperate - reviews, the alters and everything else. It really makes me as a writer want to never stop typing and coming up with ideas for them to get into and out of eventually.  
_

* * *

Penelope made it back to her apartment still crying, looking like a mess and probably scaring the hell out of the cab driver, if the looks he threw her were any indication. One look in her hallway mirror and she saw her mascara smudged, her eyes puffy and the lip gloss she had put on earlier, before this all erupted, spread all over her chin. In other words: a mess. And she couldn't care less. Right now she couldn't care about anything at all. She had seen on her way over that there were messages on her cell, the numbers indicating JJ and Emily. But right now she was not in the mood to talk to anyone. At all.

She wanted to be alone, lick her wounds and work on the betrayal her former best friend had put her through. She thought about the last few months, the time she had spent with Derek Morgan as her boyfriend and couldn't help but cry more and fall into sobs that she wasn't able to control. It was just too much. The memories of their perfect lie. The lie she was part of. The lie he was part of. He was Derek Morgan after all. Womanizer, sex god and commitment-phobic. She had seen more women move in and out of Derek Morgan's bedroom than she could count and assumed he had lost count about as well by now. And all of a sudden he would become loving, dedicated, devoting boyfriend? Not fucking likely.

She stomped around her apartment. Her moods alternating between uncontrollable crying and sobbing to anger, wanting to hit something or someone. The only thing was she wasn't sure who she was maddest at. At herself, Morgan or even Kevin? Where had he been for the past months? Wasn't he her boyfriend? Shouldn't he have visited her, talked to her, cared and worried for her, at least once? She had only seen him at the hospital, now that she thought about it, and then at work but that was to be expected. After all did they work in the same building and only two floors away from each other. But that was it. There had been no other interaction.

At the end of the day, Penelope couldn't cry anymore, didn't have the energy to cry anymore and decided she wasn't really mad at anyone. She just felt used and betrayed, taken advantage of, deceived and let down by the one person she thought would never do anything to hurt her.

She fell asleep at some point way past midnight, not having the energy to stay awake any longer. Morgan had called several times, talking to her answering machine and apologizing over and over again. The last message he had left, only half an hour before she fell asleep, was just a few simple words.

_I never wanted for this to end like this._

And just these few words started another wave of uncontrollable sobbing and crying again.

They had a weekend ahead of them and Penelope knew there would be plenty more messages on her machine by the time they reached Sunday and she should be right.

Emily and JJ somehow had heard of what had happened, probably because of Morgan, and didn't just let it be with a few single messages on her cell and answering machine. When Penelope hadn't returned any of their calls by Saturday evening both women decided to show up at their friend's door, having gotten the basics of what had gone down from Morgan, who had been rather concerned for Penelope, but also knew he would probably be the last person she wanted to see right now. He left out enough details to not make it any more embarrassing than it already was or give the two women too much information that wasn't their business.

Sunday morning Kevin stopped by. Penelope didn't even know how he heard about the whole 'magical recovery' – probably from JJ, since Emily herself had said before she would ever call Lynch she'd rather shot herself in the foot – but not he was intent on making sure she was okay.

Penelope threw him a raised eyebrow look and questioned "You didn't even think of coming by and clearing the air, talking to me? What kind of boyfriend are you?"

"I wanted to, okay, but Morgan and the rest of your fucking perfect team did everything possible to not have me get near you."

"So you just stayed away?"

"I tried-"

"How often did you try?"

"Once, maybe twice. But I called Morgan once per week."

"That's all you did? And you couldn't ... fight him to speak to me?" Penelope wondered.

"Super Agent Morgan was always reminding me what the doctors hadsaid. That it could be harmful if we didn't play along," Kevin defended pissy. He didn't want to defend himself to his girlfriend.

"So you let tell Morgan what to do?" she asked annoyed. "You are dating me, and not Derek Morgan, in case you forgot."

"What do you want from me?" Kevin asked angrily. "After all you were the one who forgot about me. I did not exist any longer and had to witness how you all of a sudden were all over Derek Morgan, the guy who probably was after getting into your panties ever since I started dating you. Tell me something, did you sleep with him?" Kevin asked, and Penelope didn't like the sound of this. Not because of the question in general, but more due to accusing tone in his voice.

Penelope hesitated for a moment, knowing she better lied to him about this. He might be more or less forgiving for the rest, but she knew Kevin Lynch. He would never forgive her when he knew she slept with Morgan, despite her not even knowing she was dating someone else.

The fact that she hesitated told Kevin everything he had to know. He just rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Great. Just fucking great. Derek Morgan manages to score in a few months what took me nearly half a year to achieve. And you tell me again you don't want him," Kevin spat and Penelope started feeling anything else then sorry for him. She started getting angry. How dare him making her sound like a cheap whore, who seemed to have no other interest than sleeping with Derek Morgan.

She was about to say something, when he went on. "And maybe that was all just some act. Maybe you didn't even lose your memory, but just played like it so you could finally fuck Derek Morgan without having to feel guilty," Kevin ranted and a moment later he felt Penelope slap him.

"If you think that the last few months had only been an act I need to wonder how much you actually loved me before. I think … you better leave," Penelope was hardly able to announce. She walked to the door and opened it, making it rather clear that she wanted him gone now. "And don't bother coming back," she said, before closing the door, with him on the other side of it. That was all she could do before she sank down the door, to the floor, starting to cry once more.


	12. confusion

_A/N: This is only a short chapter, but kinda necessary. We get there, slowly, but we get there. And how do they always say? It's not about the destination, but the journey. So, have a little faith, we get there.  
_

* * *

Penelope spent the whole weekend ignoring the blinking on her answering machine and the little window on her cell phone display, telling her she got yet another voicemail or message. Most of them were from the whole team who by now, of course, had all heard about her recovery. She was mad at them all in the beginning for actually playing along, being part of this, but JJ and Emily spent quite some time explaining to her that it was best, per doctor's advice. And by now she couldn't hear it anymore. Just because some dude wearing a white coat told them it would be bad if someone would screw with the memories she thought she had, which weren't real, all of them had just followed suit?

Monday came around and eventually she had to face all of them in the office. Kevin Lynch was no longer her boyfriend- not that he had been in the past few months either. She didn't trust Derek Morgan further than she could throw him, which probably wasn't very far seeing as she wasn't very athletic to begin with, and she didn't know how to approach any of the rest of her team. They all had been making her believe something that wasn't even anywhere close to reality and despite her feeling betrayed by all of them she couldn't help but feel the largest portion of that betrayal resting on Derek Morgan's shoulders.

She started the day with getting herself a large cup of coffee, chatting to the barista – who flirted with her in return - and tried everything possible to delay the few steps to the FBI building further. She knew there was no way she could drag this out much longer. Eventually she had to get to work, face them and deal with awkwardness for probably a few good hours.

When she left the elevator and walked towards her office, she saw everyone sitting around the bullpen, talking about god knows what. They all looked up once they noticed she had arrived, all of them except for Morgan. So he wanted to act as if he didn't see her and didn't care? Fair enough, it wasn't as if she really cared about that right now.

She made it to her office, hoping none of them would follow her for a little while. She just needed time. Once inside her office she closed the door, leaned against it and let out a deep sigh, followed by some heavy breathing. Everything was going to be okay – at some point. And if not, she could always request a transfer. Not that she really wanted this, but it would be a last resort if things never went back to normal.

One last breath and she opened her eyes again, pushing herself of the door. She hadn't really paid much attention before, closing her eyes the moment she walked into her office, so she hadn't noticed. Hadn't noticed the large bouquet of flowers sitting on her desk. White lilies and red roses. Her favorites. The card revealed that they were from Morgan. Who else?

It only had one word written on it : _**Sorry**_.

Nothing else than that. And she already could feel her eyes stinging from the tears again.

Her first instinct was to dispose of them in the trash can under her desk, but somehow she couldn't. So she took the flowers and placed them in the furthest corner of her office, somewhere where she didn't need to see them right away or all the time. Somewhere out of sight.

Getting settled in and her computer started up she spent a good hour catching up on leftover work from Friday. Work she hadn't gotten around to do before. All of a sudden she heard a knock on the door, not really feeling like company, but she couldn't hide forever, could she?

"Enter if you're brave enough," she shouted to whoever it was who stood on the other side of the office, hoping it would not be Derek Morgan. It wasn't. It were JJ and Emily, bearing coffee and cake, their way of peace offering. One look at her friend's faces and she knew they were still feeling guilty.

"Sorry," both of them said in unison, at which Penelope rolled her eyes.

"I don't even know how often I have heard this word over the last few days. It starts losing its appeal," she commented dryly, but nevertheless accepted the cake that was handed to her.

xXxXxX

Over at the bullpen Reid, Rossi and Hotch watched how JJ and Emily took off for their co-workers office, trying to right their wrongs and hoping for the best. The men watched in the meantime Morgan, who was everywhere else today with his thoughts than at work.

"What's with Morgan today? He looks like someone kicked his puppy, ran over it and then sent him the pieces," Reid mused, wondering about Morgan's state of mind.

Both men shrugged, not having an answer to Reid's question either. They had a few good guesses though. After all Penelope had been mad with all of them for lying, but she was maddest with Morgan, who was the main character in that little act of the last few months. She had been mad with each and every one of them, but neither Hotch nor Rossi wanted to really know what Morgan got to hear. He after all had the most active role in all of this. At this point both of them felt rather sorry for their friend, but none of them really had fears this wouldn't get solved. They were Morgan and Garcia after all, the inventors of inappropriate phone conversations, creators of never ending and always different pet naming and racy comments. If anyone could make it past something like that it were these two. Hotch and Rossi were certain about this.


	13. help

_A/N: After last night's short chapter you'll get a long one always thank you very much for all the wonderful reviews. They really mean a lot and are definitely appreciated.  
_

* * *

It had been a few days now since Penelope had regained her memory about her now ex boyfriend, Kevin Lynch, and the realization that the last months with Morgan had only been an act to 'go gentle on her brain'. There had been a few check-ups with her doctor, who wanted to make sure everything was back to normal, as well as a talk in which Penelope broke it to him how she felt that he encouraged her friends to play into her delusion, making her live a lie basically. He explained to her why he urged her friends to do it and what could have happened if they had told her that the memories she thought she had about Derek Morgan were in fact none existing events.

She had also returned to her regular lunches with Emily and JJ and had almost forgiven them, as well as Rossi, Hotch and Reid, despite them not acting as desperate as JJ and Emily and simply giving her time and distance. The only person she had not talked to, listened to, or even considered forgiving anytime soon was Derek. She understood by now why they all did it, but that still was no excuse for Derek Morgan to go all the way, sleeping with her, when he in fact knew that what she thought was not correct.

"You know… you can't be mad at him forever," JJ started once they found an unoccupied table and sat down. "I mean … sure you can, but … you have come to terms with all of us, except him. What is so different about him? Okay … he was, is your boyfriend, I mean he isn't or wasn't … but, you know what I mean," JJ stammered, not really sure how to actually phrase this all correctly.

Penelope just sighed at her friend, at which Emily smirked knowingly. "You slept with him," she announced - sounding surprised - , still smirking for a moment, until she realized that this maybe wasn't the best moment to smile. Penelope seemed not like she was in the mood for funny comments, or jokes like they usually would probably have done without any issues or problems.

Penelope just nodded and both her friends could see this was harder on her than anything else. Even a blind person could see that although she had gained her memory again, she had also lost something in the whole process - her heart. And she lost it to no one else than Derek Morgan.

After lunch all three women went their separate ways, with JJ looking over more files, trying to figure out where to go next, Emily seeking out Hotch and Rossi for whatever reason and Penelope hiding back in her office from the world. Lunch somehow had dampened her mood a bit. It wasn't like she was all sunshine before, but now she felt like crawling in bed, with a large cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows and the Lifetime channel on for a good few hours.

Maybe half an hour had passed since she had returned back to her office when Rossi walked into her office, a cup in his hand which he handed to her and at closer inspection she had to realize it was … hot cocoa with marshmallows. God, she hated profilers.

He grabbed the chair which was closest and sat down next to her, not saying a word for a few minutes. It was an odd situation, both of them sitting opposite of each other, looking at each other but no one really spoke. Dave just looked at Penelope with a strange expression.

"You know, kitten…" he started, and every time he called her that she knew something that could take longer was on its way. "I know it is none of my business and I certainly don't want to push you in any sort of direction, but we have noticed there seems to be a certain friction between you and your favorite profiler."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Rossi," she joked, knowing fully well that he was talking about Morgan.

David didn't respond to it at first. He just sat in the chair, leaned back and studied her for a brief moment, before leaning forward again, resting his elbows on his knees. "What's the problem? I mean… you sort of have more or less forgiven all of us, but he is still in the dog house and to all of us it seems like he won't be allowed out of there anytime soon. We all have been lying to you, but you understand that it was …, " he went on but was interrupted by Penelope.

"Don't say 'doctor's advice'. I seriously can't hear it any longer."

"I thought when the time would come that you regain your memory again he would be the one who be forgiven first. You have a great friendship, a very unique connection, what … happened?" he simply asked, surprising himself as much as Penelope. She had expected he either would dance around the subject for another while or just try to probe for information the indirect way.

Dave went on "Fact is we all lied to you equally. We all had a part in this, but yet he is the one who is punished the hardest. Anything happened between you two?"

Penelope bluntly answered "Nothing a couple wouldn't do."

And suddenly he understood as well as Emily and JJ that Penelope was not mad about him actually lying, but was more healing from what seemed to be a broken heart. He always had suspected more between these two, and was always surprised that it never happened. There was so much chemistry, sparks, fire and passion between these two that on some days he was surprised they didn't just have a go at each other.

"He doesn't care for me the way I … um …. did," she admitted in a quiet voice.

"Kitten, have you actually looked at him? I mean ... really deeply looked at him for longer than the split second it takes to get from the bullpen to your office in the last couple of days?" Rossi asked, seeing Penelope thinking for a moment and when she didn't answer right away he went on. "I don't think you did, because if you had, you might have noticed that he hasn't been himself lately. He is awfully quiet and has his mind God knows where, but certainly not here and definitely not on the job. He looks pretty much beat down and like he hasn't slept in over a week. He actually looks like he gave up. So if you think he never cared for you the way you did for him, maybe you should look again and rethink your idea," David said, and Penelope couldn't help but think. She had overheard JJ and Emily discussing how Morgan seemed so awfully different over the past few days, but didn't think much about it. She had her own problems to overcome.

"That still doesn't change much," Penelope answered defiantly. She knew it was stupid, but she somehow couldn't wrap her head around it right now. He still slept with her, knowing fully well that she was someone else's girl and taking full advantage of her situation.

Rossi just let out a sigh, seeing he wouldn't get much further with her. At least he tried. He hadn't expected her to get up and run into Morgan's arms, but somehow he had hoped that bringing her attention to Derek's state of mind and behavior would soften her. She might not have been a profiler, but she surely was able put two and two together. Or maybe not. Maybe it was still too early for expecting anything. They could be glad she had forgiven them that quickly. Maybe she just needed more time to forgive Morgan as well, or see that this was not what she thought it was.

Rossi left Penelope's office at some stage, having to admit defeat, and an hour after him Aaron Hotchner all of a sudden appeared on her door. He didn't make it down to her office very often, mainly because he had usually a lot of things on his mind - cases, his son, the bureau.

"Penelope, can I have a word with you?" she heard his voice and when she nodded he moved further into her office, sitting down on the chair that had been just occupied by Rossi earlier.

Hotch looked at Penelope for a moment, looking like he had to think about something before he finally spoke.

"I know it isn't my place to judge, or interfere and it certainly isn't my business what you do in your off time, but when it starts affecting your jobs that's when I get involved," he started, making Penelope wonder what would come next. Was he talking about Morgan or her? Or both of them?

Hotch added "We are all a bit worried, to be honest. And you can believe me that we all had our doubts about what the doctor's said would be best, to just act as if your memories were for real. We all played a part in it and you forgave most of us, yet the one person who had the biggest doubts and had constantly second thoughts about this all you punish the most. Morgan had a really hard time. Trust me when I tell you he certainly was torn up between right and wrong. He came to me, shortly after the accident, not understanding how telling you he is your boyfriend when in fact he isn't should be helpful in any way. And if, in fact, things had been handled according to his wishes you would have been told the truth right away. It took him a long time to warm up to the idea and he just did it with your best interest in mind. He had doubts and thought he would take advantage of you by playing along. He didn't want to lie to you and let me tell you he … had a conflict of interests to say the least. He had a hard time letting you believe you were engaged in something more than just your friendship and it took him quite a while being comfortable with this whole idea and being around you, pretending to be something he wasn't. Or not yet at least," he smiled softly at Penelope.

It was quite a speech Hotch delivered and he knew that Morgan probably didn't agree with him sharing this. But he also knew that Penelope needed to hear this. She had thought until this point that Morgan had been a very willing participant in this, when in fact it took him quite some time coming to terms with it.

Hotch looked at Penelope for a moment, who was just staring at him, trying to understand what the other man had just said, and couldn't reply.

Hotch let out a sigh as well, just as Rossi did before when there was no answer from the Tech. But he mistook her silence for stubbornness. He thought she just didn't want to hear anyone telling her that Morgan did care and this was not as black and white as she seemed to think so far. He got up, looking at Penelope once more, before leaving her office.

And maybe they had been wrong. Maybe this was something Derek and Penelope couldn't work out.


	14. realizations

_A/N: So ... let's make things better then, shall we? Thanks to everyone who keeps reading. _

_I will have a friend of mine over until Monday, so my updates might not be as frequent as you are used to. Apologies already if I will make you wait once again... Maybe I will write another oneshot as apology. LOL  
_

* * *

Penelope hadn't been able to answer Hotch since her thoughts were all over the place, everywhere at once, trying to make sense of what her boss had just said. All of a sudden, with his words, her defiance crumbled. All her arguments as of why she was so mad at Morgan, but had forgiven the rest of them, didn't have any base anymore. If he really had doubts and second thoughts, maybe he didn't take as much advantage of her as she had been thinking.

She left work that day with a lot of thoughts lingering on her mind, not entirely sure what to make off Hotch's confession and how that made Morgan look now. He had hurt her. That was a fact, and one she couldn't just sugarcoat. She said her rushed goodbye's to the team members and was out of the door, into her weekend and away from this. Hopefully the time off would help her to get a clear head soon and figure out what she would do next.

Stopping on her way home for getting a few things she felt she needed now, or over the next few days, she made it home eventually, planning a long, warm bath, helping her to relax … and think about things.

Closing her eyes she couldn't stop the images coming back to her all the time, images of mainly her and Morgan. And why did her mind always go there? The memories came back. Every single one of them was about her time together with Morgan, about their dates, their kisses, how they basically spent the last few months more or less being inseparable, how she spent almost every waking moment with him happy, at ease and how she felt like crying and missed him so terribly much every time the team had to leave on a case. She remembered how he always looked at her, especially when he thought she wouldn't notice. Looked at her with these big, deep brown eyes, that were filled with so much love and affection, desire and heat, passion and devotion. It almost killed her just thinking about them.

She remembered how gentle and sweet he always was with her, how committed when she didn't feel too good and how he would be by her side until she would be better again. Basically he was like that all the time, even before the accident.

When she thought about his embraces she started feeling all fuzzy and warm, shudders running down her back, when thinking about the moments when he kissed her, gentle and slow, hot and full of passion. It didn't matter how he kissed her because every way had made her feel goose bumps.

Derek Morgan had a way to get under your skin and remain there. To make it in your heart and make sure you'd never kick him out. Thinking back about their night together, their love making, the gentleness he displayed with her, the passion that was between them, the heat and desire for each other, how their hands worked their ways over each other's bodies, how they were desperate to get just that little bit closer, fill that last gap between each other, frantic for more skin, more contact, more everything … it made her want to relive it all over again.

It wasn't as if the anger had gone and didn't exist any longer, but all of a sudden, for any particular reason she felt different. She felt like she started to see something that she hadn't even bothered looking for before. Rethinking how Morgan had been, she had to admit he was exactly like he had been all along during their friendship, just that little bit more committed, more attentive, sweeter and kinder. And he had already been all of that before, but since that whole 'boyfriend' issue, she felt like he stepped up his game. Thinking back she had never felt more loved up, safer and better taken care of before then when she was with him and maybe that should tell her something. Maybe by now she should start to think and wonder about things, wonder why the anger seemed to get less with every passing minute. Maybe he hadn't taken advantage of her as much as she had thought.

She closed her eyes, sinking a bit further into the warm water, until she was chin-deep. Her hair had been pinned up earlier so she wouldn't mess it all up and around.

Images of their first kiss came back to her, the feeling of his soft lips pressed against hers, how she had lunged forward into his arms and just kissed him, as if it was the most normal thing to do. How he had hesitated for a moment, but then gave her his best. More pictures came back into her mind, more kisses, more romance, more of all the good things. And the more she thought about their past couple of months, how they spent them and how good it made her feel even now, the more she had to realize one thing. It felt right, too right somehow. Like … that was the way it was supposed to be like. Like they were meant to be with each other.

And then she had to realize one more thing, which hit her like a lightning. All the memories that came back to her, about her, him, them, made her realize that all the active intimate moments had been initiated by her. Their first kiss, their first night in the same bed as 'couple', even their first time having sex. It all came from her, was started by her. She initiated everything. So how could she accuse him any longer of taking advantage of her when it was all started by her?

She had to get out of the tub. Now. The sooner the better. She needed to see Morgan. Tonight. The sooner it would happen the better she would feel. She had done him so wrong, had made him feel so bad, hadn't even given him a chance to respond, talk to her, say anything. Apart from the flowers with the card on Monday and the calls on her answering machine and voice mails on her cell.

Thinking now also about Rossi's word from earlier, another wave of guilt and sorrow washed over her. How could she ever think of her best friend like that? They had known everything about each other. The deepest secrets, their worst moments, the highs of their lives.

Leaving the bathroom she ran into her bedroom, going through her closet and just pulling out any kind of clothing. It didn't really matter what she would be wearing. She didn't really care about that right now. All she knew was that she needed to get out of this apartment and make it over to Derek Morgan's home. God knew if he even would want to talk to her, after the week she had given him, but she at least had to try. A few minutes later she had her hair in a pony tail, was wearing some jeans and a shirt, which she usually would rather be caught dead in than seen wearing it in public, grabbed her keys and left her apartment quickly


	15. sorry seems to be the hardest word

She made it to his place in record time, probably breaking one or two speed limits on her way, but she couldn't really care less right now. She needed to see him, speak to him, make this all right. Hopefully she wasn't already too late.

She had a key to his front door, always had since the day four years ago when he had broke his leg and she told him she would make him feel sorry if he so much as think of getting on his feet. She never returned it, he never asked for it back, and usually she always let herself in, but tonight it somehow felt wrong. It felt like she didn't have the right for that moment to let herself in. After all she didn't even know whether he wanted to talk to her. And maybe she should just turn around and leave, let him have this weekend and then seek him out on Monday. She was thinking about that for a moment, before stopping herself.

"You are a big, grown-up girl, Penelope Garcia. You can deal with this. it is your fault partially that you are in this mess, so go and deal with it," she spoke to herself, raising her knuckles up and knocking softly against his door. it was just shortly past 8, so he should still be up. At least she hoped so. She saw the light in the hallway being switched on, and through the tainted window she saw someone walking down the corridor from Derek's kitchen, towards the door.

Her heartbeat was going wild, and she felt like passing out for a moment. But she knew she'd have to get through this. It wouldn't get any better by Monday. And if she did it now, she at least knew that it was dealt with. However the outcome was.

A moment later the door opened and she saw Derek's handsome face, looking at her partly surprised, partly confused, but not mad, angry or shocked. A good sign, right? However what shocked her was the fact that he really did look like he hadn't slept the entire week, just as Rossi had mentioned earlier. She was barely able to restrain herself from reaching out to cup his face, stroke his cheek and pull him into a tight embrace. Her guilt all of a sudden increased. She was probably in her mind still slightly mad at him. He should have told her after all, made her aware that things are not what they appeared to be for her. But they had both equal fault in this. And looking at him, she wasn't sure whether she caused him as much pain with the last few days then he had unintentionally to her one week ago.

"Can I come in?" she asked softly, her voice being just barely above a whisper. Morgan moved aside, opening the door wider in the process, letting her inside.

She got out of her coat, toed of her shoes and just stood with him in the hallway for a long moment, neither spoke or moved a muscle. It was a weird feeling, to be standing across from her best friend, who had always been so close to her and not knowing what to say, how to start or what do to for once. She felt nervous again.

"Can … can I offer you something? Drink? Food maybe?" he asked, walking slowly ahead of her back to where he had come from. Penelope took this as an encouragement to follow and just asked for a glass of water. Or maybe she should ask for some bourbon, something that would put her at ease, and give her courage, or at least made her feel courageous.

He put the glass in front of her, and sat down on the chair opposite of hers, looking at her for a long time. Penelope couldn't help but notice that he seemed to have a hard time starting this as well. But since she was the one who came over here, needed a few answers to a ton of questions she should start. It would only be fair. And she would. Once she got rid of her nervousness.

"I … I'm sorry," she started hesitantly after another few moments had passed by and Morgan's head jerked up. He looked surprised again, like he hadn't expected to hear these words from her at all, but he didn't say anything, let her talk and see where this would be going.

"I … I know that… last week… I m-mean … " she stuttered, but was all of a sudden not able to say anything. She just started crying, the stress and tension of the last week taking over and she just sat in the chair, opposite of Morgan and sobbed uncontrollably. The idea of her losing him over this, over anything really, was too strong and powerful.

Just a second later she felt arms coming around her and being pulled out of the chair and upwards, arms wrapping tighter around her in the process and Morgan moved closer, pressing the rest of him against her as well. She buried her face in his strong chest, sobbing and crying, wetting his shirt and wrapped her arms around him loosely. She didn't want to lose this feeling- him, them and what they had, what they could have been.

She heard Morgan's calming tone of voice, felt his hands rub soft, soothing circles on her back.

"Shhh, whatever it is you came here for tonight, it can wait. And it should wait if it upsets you so much that you aren't even able to say one sentence," he tried to sooth her. He let go of her after a while, turning around. "Do you want me to make you something? A tea? Some hot cocoa? Maybe just a cup of hot milk?" he asked, walking towards some cabinets.

Penelope just shook her head, although he wouldn't see it since he wasn't looking at her and reached for his arm, holding it and turning him around so he faced her.

"I … I want you to… to sit down," she said, still a bit shaken up. "Please," she pleaded with him after he looked at her slightly taken aback.

Morgan complied, shrugged his shoulders and sat down. Penelope stood in front of him, looking down at him for a moment.

"I'm … sorry," she said again, holding up a hand to stop Morgan from saying anything. "I … when last Saturday happened, with me remembering again … and realizing what we had done … I just was so shocked. I was angry with you, for not being honest with me, for lying the whole time and felt so used, like I was … a convenient way of… having some entertainment for a few weeks. I blamed you for everything … because I just… I couldn't process it. I was mad with you, and never questioned my part in this. I just … thought you lured me into this … this bubble and … " Penelope stopped for a moment. She didn't know how to go on. "I blamed you and you took it. I didn't even give you a chance of saying anything. I was hurt, felt humiliated and embarrassed, betrayed and just … lost for a moment," she went on, seeing Morgan literally hanging on her every word.

"I needed time, time to heal and to come to terms with what had happened, time to understand and to process. Time to think of things and make a realization for myself," she went on, sounding rather cryptic and Morgan looked at her with a curious expression, but he still wouldn't say a thing.

"I realized that you are as much a victim in this as me. After all I made you go through with being part of delusion, playing the act and probably not feeling comfortable at all at certain times," she explained, and was then interrupted by Morgan.

"Trust me, I feel _always_ comfortable around you. No matter the situation," he smiled slightly at her. She took that as success and went on.

"I was as much a part of this as you were. But … Derek, I'll have to ask you a few questions if you don't mind," she asked carefully, and saw the hesitation in his eyes. He didn't seem too sure about in which direction this would go now, but finally she saw him nod his head.

"Ask me anything."

"Why …. why did you do it? Why did you agree on … being what I thought you were?" she asked hesitantly, still not able to actually say the word 'boyfriend' to him, it just felt so … embarrassing still.

Morgan looked at her for a moment, studying her, before getting up from his chair and standing in front of her. "Because I love you. And if you love someone as much as I love you then you are willing to do whatever it takes to make that person happy."

Penelope felt slightly taken aback again by his answer. She definitely hadn't expected his answer to be so forward and so damn honest.

"Why … why now?" she asked next, seeing him biting his lip for a moment. That usually signalized nervousness and uncertainty.

"I … I don't know," Morgan answered truthfully. Maybe because he had been too much of a coward to woo her earlier, make her see how special she was for him. Maybe he was too afraid of rejection. He didn't know.

"Was this all … just some … act?" she finally asked, and this was probably the hardest question to answer. He knew she would be asking these questions sooner or later and he would need to answer them.

He thought about lying to her for a moment, save themselves from further issues in their already cracked relationship, but then decided against it. He had been lying to her for the past few months, this had to stop. Now.

"No, all this did was make me fall deeper in love with you. Appreciate your beautiful, fabulous, wonderful, gorgeous person even more and realizing that I can never be without you," he started and saw Penelope's eyes widen. "It was all as real as it could possibly could get . At some point during these months I had even forgot that this was not as real as I wanted it to be. I forgot that there was someone else in your life. And that night, that last, wonderful night, when I made love to you, I felt like I found my place in this world, by your side, catering to your every wish and making sure you would never have to miss anything. And then you left," Morgan finished and for the first time she saw something in Derek Morgan she had never seen in him before. Vulnerability.


	16. Declarations

_A/N: Only another short chapter, but then again there isn't much drama left anyway. =) Actually none whatsoever. Only one more chapter left after this one. I will answer reviews as soon as I get the chance, which might not be before Monday. That's a promise. Thank you all so much for the support and the reviews. They all really, really means a lot to me.  
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They were quiet for a moment, with Penelope realizing just now what her actions had done to him. He had fallen in love with her, took a risk, although knowing they lived a delusion, but nevertheless invested all of his feelings, energy and time to make her feel so good during their time together.

"I'm … so, so sorry, Morgan. I … when this all came back to me, and I had to realize that the past few months had been nothing but a lie I just needed to get out of here, away from you and … clear my head…"

"They weren't a lie to me," Derek answered, amazing Penelope with the softness and steadiness in his voice. She felt his hands stroking softly over her cheek, and him smiling at her, holding her gaze. "It might be that you weren't fully aware of what position I really held in your life, but it doesn't mean that all I did were just in order to comply with your idea of what we were. I would do this all over again, exactly the same way and probably should have done so a long time ago, show you what you truly mean to me."

"Oh, Hot Stuff," she nearly sighed, not even realizing that she called him by a nickname, something she hadn't been doing all week long. She was close again to tears. The pain and fear of rejection was still clearly visible on his face. It was then that Penelope had to realize, that somehow along the line, it really was her who had lived the lie, long before her memory loss happened. Kevin Lynch had made her happy over the past few years, sure enough, but not as happy as Morgan managed to do within just a few months, weeks even. They had been a perfect match, complimenting each other in every possible way, whereas Lynch and her had been too equal, too alike to ever make their liaison as successful as hers with Morgan was.

A single tear made its way down her cheek and was stopped effectively by his thump brushing softly over it. And just a moment later he leaned in, getting closer and closer, until his lips closed upon hers. It was nothing extreme, nothing unusual, nothing she hadn't done with Kevin Lynch numerous times before, but yet with Morgan it felt so very different and special. It was s soft, gentle touch of his velvet lips, brushing over hers, and as soon as it started it stopped. "I love you, Penelope Garcia. Not just _kinda,_ or a little or a bit, but fully, completely and whole-heartedly. I have always loved you, and every time I said I do I didn't mean it as a friend to friend, but more. I never wanted to push or jeopardize our great friendship and was not willing to take a risk if it meant to maybe lose you. I would rather live with having you as being just my friend, than not having you in my life at all."

Penelope was close to tears again, it was just the whole situation, the moment, how soft and sincere his voice was, how much pain there was hidden, how much he shared and admitted, making himself so vulnerable, since he still had no confirmation of her opinion on this.

There was another long silence, no one spoke, none of them even seemed to breathe. You could hear a pin drop. They looked into each other's eyes, thinking, processing what had happened in the past hour. It was Penelope who spoke first in the end. Although her voice was barely above a whisper.

"The past few months had been … wonderful and you made me feel like no one ever had managed to do. I felt … good about myself and the time together, wanting to spend every single waking moment with you. I don't want to lose that feeling, I want to keep it with me, want to experience it every single day and want to keep on spending every single moment with you. Because truth is, I love you, too and always have. Not just _kinda_, not just a little, not just a bit, but fully, completely and whole-heartedly," she explained with a soft smile, repeating his earlier words. Just as she did his actions, because a moment after she had said it, her lips were on his, sealing tonight's confessions and revelations with a kiss.

With the previous kiss being soft and gentle and just a quick peek, this one was the opposite. There was certain hesitation in the beginning, but not for long. Morgan's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tighter against himself, deepening the kiss, taking full control and losing himself in the taste, feeling and scent that was Penelope Garcia.

Standing in the middle of Morgan's kitchen, tangled up in each other and losing themselves into the kiss and each other it took a while for them to do anything else. Nothing else really mattered at this moment. They both were just so drunk with happiness and the love they felt for each other, that nothing else really should matter.


	17. Tie me down

They took things slow. Baby steps. After all what had happened it wasn't as if either of them could just forget or ignore the events of the week after Penelope had gotten her full memory back.

Although they had gone the full ten yards before, Morgan insisted on taking things rather casual and slow in the beginning. Dates, afternoons spent together, kisses and more dates. It was like he tried to start this all from scratch, like he had to win her all over again. And he did it all by the book, set things up for perfection, right from the start. Penelope enjoyed each and every single one of their dates, and all the other things they did. She loved every moment she spent with Derek Morgan and he did seem to feel exactly the same.

The longer she went out with Derek, the more she needed to be with him. It was just insane. They could part for the night – and Derek never made a move beyond a kiss goodnight – and five minutes later she was already missing him like mad again. Knowing that he was still in the same city and she would see him at work the next morning again but still she missed him- the closeness to him, his scent, his touch, his kisses, his deep and soft voice. Basically everything about him.

Another month and they finally seemed to have moved away from the 'goodnight-kiss' stage and onto the staying overnight stage. The first night he made love to her Penelope was close to tears, which probably was rather clichéd, but she just felt so good, so relieved that the emptiness was filled after all. And as stupid as it sounded, but that night she felt like they connected on a whole new level, like something had changed.

Telling the team they were a couple now was easier than either of them had expected. Half of the team already suspected things a long time ago, before anything really had happened, and the others got used to the sight during Penelope's amnesia. It was nothing anyone really needed to get used to or was surprised with to begin with. Strauss wasn't too pleased about this certain development, but she wasn't also completely against it. According to her it was acceptable as long as their focus during the job wouldn't shift.

The team has just been out of town – or rather state – for three painful weeks. They had flown to Washington State with the idea of getting through this case rather quick, but due to unforeseen turns and twists were still no inch closer to their UnSub. A fact that frustrated Penelope more each day. Every day she wasn't waking up next to Morgan couldn't be a good day already. To make things worse Morgan hadn't been able to call for a few days now, being sent to the middle of nowhere – a place with no cell reception – to check on a few leads with David.

It was already bad that she actually couldn't _see _him, so their raunchy phone conversations got her more or less through the day, but now she also couldn't even _speak_ to him? What would be next? They would be stuck in those God awful woods forever? Hopefully not.

She had left her office shortly after 6pm, after Hotch had assured her they wouldn't need anything for a few hours and more or less ordered her home, something Penelope didn't really like. What was home without Derek? She would only be curling up alone in his sheets, inhaling his scent deeply and just feeling miserable because she missed him so much. And maybe by now she should be worried about herself. They had been apart before after all. Okay, given they hadn't been a couple back then, but still.

Walking into the dark house, Penelope threw all her things on the couch, deciding that maybe it was the perfect night for an evening with Morgan's cable TV and a bucket of ice cream. And some take out. She felt like Chinese or Thai. Maybe even both.

Walking into the kitchen she stopped right in her tracks. There was a soft candle light and music, as well as a wonderful smell. Something was cooking. What the …?

A moment later Derek came into the kitchen.

"How? … Why? … I mean … you're back?" she asked, getting excited. Surprise and shock took over.

"Yeah," Morgan smiled softly at her, stepping closer and looping his arms lazily around her hips. "I made the whole team promise to not tell you anything," he admitted, before leaning in and kissing her. And how she had missed him.

Penelope pressed herself tightly against Morgan, couldn't get enough, needed to just feel him for a moment, making sure this wasn't some weird dream or her imagination working overtime.

Morgan nibbled on her skin, kissing a soft trail down her neck. "God, you taste as good as I remember," he mumbled against her skin, before moving all up again.

Penelope was in heaven, leaning back in his strong arms and throwing her head back slowly. This felt so good, she still didn't know how she managed to go so long without him. It was an achievement she should actually be rather proud of. "What's for dinner?" she asked absentmindedly, letting Morgan do with his lips whatever he wanted.

"Steaks for main and let's see how dessert develops. Right now, I'd say the prospects are rather … promising." He laughed, pinching her ass.

Holding his face between her hands and moving his head forward so he was looking at her, she smiled at him. "How about we forget about main for now and move straight to dessert?"

Morgan raised an eyebrow at her quizzically for a moment, before he smiled at her wickedly. "Someone's a bit desperate, huh?" he asked, smiling, at which she just leaned against him and pressed a kiss against his lips. She didn't lose anytime, deepened it, and let her hands roam over his body, finding the first few buttons to open.

Morgan caught on rather quick, understanding she had her mind set on something and there was no way on trying to convince her otherwise. His hands travelled under her shirt and pushed it up, urging her to break the kiss for a moment so he could get her out of it.

They moved rather slowly out of the kitchen, tangled up in each other, neither wanting to let go of the other's lips, moving awkwardly up the stairs to his bedroom. They left a trail of clothes from the kitchen to the bedroom and by the time they made it there, Penelope was only in her underwear and Morgan just in boxer shorts. Everything else they had already managed to get off of the other somehow.

"What would happen if I'm involved into another accident and wouldn't remember you any longer?" Penelope wondered between kisses. She had been thinking about this question for a while now, after all it had happened with Lynch.

"Do you really think you would forget me?" Morgan laughed.

"I guess not," she mused, smiling softly at him, letting him push her on the mattress of his king size bed.

He joined her a few minutes later, straddling her, and letting his hands wander up and down her body, stroking over every inch of skin, running up her arms.

For a moment he was gone, his hands off her body, and Penelope was about to ask what this was about but she was too lost in the feeling of his lips on her again. Three weeks had definitely been too long.

"I guess if it should happen, I'll simply do … _this…" _ He smiled at her somehow wickedly and Penelope was about to ask what he meant when she felt his hands on her arms and a second later she felt cold metal around her wrists and twice a click. Looking up towards the headboard she had to realize shockingly she just had been cuffed to the headboard. With Morgan's FBI issued, for work-purpose intended, cuffs.

He said "At some point you would come to your senses and until then I would keep you in my bed. Definitely my most favorite place to keep you, I have to admit."

Penelope had to laugh at his comment, and struggled against the cuffs for a moment, wondering how things would go from here on.

A moment later she would get her answer when his hands started slowly pushing her panties down, his lips kissing every inch of newly exposed skin. When he had them off his lips kissed their way down her left leg first and then up her right one. And if he would be spending a lot more time with his lips down in that area Penelope would lose her mind.

With his lips dedicated to her lower regions, his hands unlocked her strapless bra and got her out of the last piece of garment. All that was between them now were his black boxer shorts, but knowing him they wouldn't be a barrier for long. And just a moment she saw them gone. Smiling to herself she had to admit she loved it when she was right. Especially about him.

His hands rummaged all over her body, feeling and touching every inch of skin and his lips followed suit. By now he had covered her entire body in kisses, paying particular attention to her breasts. But the area where she needed him most right now, between her legs, he completely ignored. With the ache between her legs growing with each passing second Penelope started writhing under him, she wanted some sort of relief so badly. And he was denying to to her. After three weeks of him not being around her, she now also needed to wait again for him to finally take things further?

Just when she started feeling really frustrated, she felt his hands travel down her body, over her upper thighs, stopping at her knees, before slowly travelling back up, stopping just inches away from the area she needed him right now most. If only these fingers could move a few inches higher. And slowly they moved again. For Penelope it felt like time stopped, or even ran backwards.

XXXXXXXX

Falling onto the mattress next to her all that could be heard was their heavy breathing. And maybe this had been worth the three weeks apart. Not that she wanted it to be that long anytime soon again. If it was according to her he wouldn't be leaving the vicinity for a couple of months. But somehow she thought that Hotch and the rest of the team wouldn't appreciate that one much.

They lay next to each other, for a while, Morgan releasing her from her restraints shortly after he had come and now she had curled up against him, enjoying his warmth and listening tom his heart beat.

"I would just … love you until you'd remember me again. I would never let it happen that you don't remember me. You mean too much to me for that to happen," he whispered softly, making Penelope lift her head to look at him for a second.

After a moment she realized that he was answering her answer from earlier, about what he would do if she should ever forget about him. Not that she ever really worried about it. After all she would always remember him, what he did to her, what he made her feel.

Nothing would ever change about these feelings. About that weird high they felt every time when being around or just thinking about the other one. Every. Single. Day.


End file.
